We all feel drained sometimes.  Even on a beautiful, sunny day, our world can feel cold and overcast.  It is tempting to look for something on the outside that might brighten things up – maybe a slice of cake, a hug from a loved one, solving a problem at hand, a sip of wine.

Maybe the most powerful tool to regain your own energy is inside of you right now.

Self-Love

We humans have an immense power to love others.  Even when we feel drained, if a child came to us in pain asking for our help, we would naturally shower them with love and attention with no requirement for payback.  When it comes to showering ourselves with that same love, though, many of us feel ashamed and guarded.  Words like “selfish” run through our minds, evoking images of weak mooches who are never satisfied.  Despite what our shame sometimes tells us, loving ourselves is not selfish.  Rather, selfishness is about caring ONLY about our own needs to the detriment of those around us.  Few of us would think that a child should avoid loving themselves and should care only about showing love to others.  Why do we sometimes think this about ourselves?  After all – having a love for ourselves as well as others takes a little of the burden off of other people and things to make us happy.

Try this simple exercise to harness energy from your own power of love:

Imagine seeing yourself from outside, as if you were your good friend.  How would you feel about your emotionally drained friend?  Would you sympathize with that friend?  Would you offer encouraging words, emphasizing your friend’s strengths?  Imagine the love that you would send yourself.  Now – let yourself feel that love that you are sending out.  Can you be open to it?  You might notice that it feels as good as love from someone else – or maybe even better.  It is love from someone who knows you best.

Getting used to giving yourself a dose of self-love when you need it can bring back some of that missing energy.  It can feed the longing we all have for love, taking the burden off of others to fill that need.  We can truly enjoy our relationships, rather than use them for our emotional needs.  In the process, it can also give us more energy to help others.

Want more energy? Read Tip #2 for finding energy inside you: getting energy from your worries.

Rose Hickman Smith is a psychotherapist in private practice in Marina del Rey and virtually throughout California. She can be reached through the “Contact Me” link on this website.